The Random Crap Thread

My missus fancies Jimmy Carr. For God's sake, how far apart are his eyes? She must have an alien fetish.

Moving on:

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(Put a song on, it gets funnier)
 
I've never posted in this thread but i feel I should start. Its about my girlfriend you see, she's starting to worry me on the stupidity level. Here are 2 scenarios I just went through with her recently, BOTH REAL AND BOTH WITH EXACT QUOTES!!!!!

A) She (Debbie) says she has a splitting headache. I ask her if there is anything i can get for her. She continues complaining a bit and tells me it oddly seems to be only on one side of her head. Then she asks...word for word...'What side of your head is your brain on? The left or the right??" My jaw almost hit the fucking floor and bounced back up to hit the ceiling. I live with the girl and we;ve talked about marraige.

the other is football related and not as astonishingly stupid but it was during last nights arsenal vs Slavia Prague match. She sits down with me to watch the arsenal sometimes as its something I enjoy that we can do together (that whole marraige thing again, i'll go with her shopping, she watches Arsenal and stays quiet hopefully), then in the 60th minute I know something is brewing, Theo Walcott is taking rather a long time finding someone to throw the ball into and she asks...word for word... "Is he allowed throw the ball down in front of himself and run onto it????"

OMG I'M FUCKING SCARED :shock:
 
I THINK IF I OWNED A COUNTRY I WOULD BAN ELECTRICITY, I THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO SEE HOW SOCIETY WOULD INTERACT, IT WOULD BE SIMPLE TO DO, MURDER ANYONE WHO DARED USE ONE WATT, I THINK WE'D ALL EVENTUALLY SEE EACH OTHER IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIGHT
 
I EAT A LOT OF BUTTER, WILL I DIE? I MEAN LOTS HERE, LIKE MAYBE A HALF INCH THICK PER SLICE OF BREAD, AND IT HAS TO BE TOTALLY COVERED
 
CW - You have 752 people to ban, gerds been up all night counting the flamers, I think its time for you to get to work here on Evo, if you wish to reinstate my position as chief mod pleae let me know and I will consider, that way i can give you a hand banning these 752 BLASPHEMERS!!!!!
 
Does anybody here watch North West Tonight?

If so, HOW THE FUCK DOES GORDON BURNS STILL WORK THERE?

Every single day he fucks something up. Actual quote from this morning:

"New Bolton manager errrerrrerrerer err err err ... ... ... errrrrrrr err err err Sam Megson"

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Thanks Jack, I feel mighty embarrassed though because it wasn't actually my coat! Arf!

The mouth on that old lady took bloody ages to get it to look like she was being punched. Worth it though.
 
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