Re: Liverpool Thread
what you may or may not know about Martin Skrtel:
•Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Martin Skrtel once and he will punch you in the face.
•The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Martin Skrtel played in year 2.
•Martin Skrtel once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
•Martin Skrtel once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Martin Skrtel re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 4 different countries and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
•If you spell Martin Skrtel in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
•Martin Skrtel doesn't churn butter. He kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
•Martin Skrtel doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
•A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Martin Skrtel and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
•Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Martin Skrtel once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he pooped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
•Martin Skrtel is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Martin Skrtel.
•Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Martin Skrtel's warm-up exercises.
•When Martin Skrtel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
•Martin Skrtel once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Martin Skrtel won by 5.
•Martin Skrtel invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear
•Martin Skrtel can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
•There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Martin Skrtel allows to live.
•Martin Skrtel once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
•Martin Skrtel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
•Martin Skrtel has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
•Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Martin Skrtel"
•Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
•Martin Skrtel, Martin Skrtel and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
•Martin Skrtel once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
•James Cameron wanted Martin Skrtel to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
•Martin Skrtel can touch MC Hammer.
•Martin Skrtel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.