A regular Tuesday for a Retro-PES enthusiast.
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Time for a PES United Master League on PES08 PS2, as promised.
PES United, a team from Parts Unknown; land of the fit, home of the fake. The club was founded back in the glorious PES3 and apparently, is still alive in the modern version of the game; however, much like the ML Defaults, they seem to have lost their charisma a long while ago. Perhaps, the whole series has.
The PES United roster in PES2008 is curiously in the same state as the game was at that point: an aging bunch of players trying to avoid their own inevitable obsolescence, in a club desperate to relive its past glory of the late 90s/early 00s, refusing to reinvent itself and move forward, perhaps with fresher talent. The Comos, the Virotas, the Ranows, the Azaras, the Heycorys, the Romaldinhos, the Metelgers (Metal Gear...?) have all seen much better days yet they're still hanging around, probably because no one else wants to become a PES United player, so they have no choice but to continue exaggerating the already impressive average age of this roster - where the youngest is, if I'm not mistaken, sideback Nzom Gole, one of the few PES United individuals under the age of 30. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is obviously to take PES United to world domination; but for that to happen, I'll need to freshen this squad.
I decided I'll only be able to buy PES/WE United players - though I already broke that rule, as you'll find out later on - and will keep our current roster until they retire, exactly as I did on my previous PES08 ML with the Defaults.
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My PES United was going to use a 4-4-2 flat formation; as for the starting-11, many doubts persisted. The team lacks a proper box-to-box midfielder and the CBs are not brilliant, rapidly aging and awfully slow. The best of the bunch are Ranow and Sariw, both with 61 Acceleration. Elsewhere we were rather well-served; particularly the striker position has a lot of interesting (but, again, old) talent, and overall we had to be considered one of the best if not truly the best team of the D2. Now, how could I tie all this talent together to form a winning side?
This was the starting-11 I chose for the first 5 matches of the season:
Como; Virota (cap.), Ranow, Sariw, Azara; Heycory, Otam, Romaldinho, Ciumira, Dogue, Agata.
Como the eternal PES United number 1 in goal. Virota, the team's legendary captain, alongside the slowest CB pair of the game, Azara the agile as LB. Heycory has been the DMF of this side for two decades, and at the age of 40 is like a fine wine. Romaldinho is the creative element as our AMF but striker Otam appears, surprisingly, as a CMF: his nice passing and Teamwork stats convinced the manager to play him there. Ciumira is also a natural CF but his poor shooting yet good stamina, dribbling and Aggression could turn him into a decent SMF. Up front, Agata is expected to score a lot of goals, this time alongside another surprising partner: Dogue, a SMF; perhaps the manager wanted some extra energy (91 Stamina), Dogue doing the dirty work for Agata.
This didn't work. At all. Five matches in and we lose 4, grabbing a lonely (and useless) 0-1 win against Hammarby on the 2nd leg of the D2 Cup's first round, which didn't matter because we had lost 2-3 on the 1st leg. What could turn this ship around? I already knew the only possible answer. A change of the team's formation, you say? Different tactics, or players? No, silly. The right answer is: we'll give our players makeovers.
Several visual issues had to be fixed. For example, it was absolutely shocking that not a single PES United player had a moustache. Heycory is one of the world's most feared DMFs for his tackles have ended countless careers and yet he looks 13. Plus, none of them have a moustache. We had to turn this roster into a team of gentlemen, and only then we'd win. To the hair salon we go (only messed with their hairstyles/beards/accessories): here's a few stellar examples:
Metelger got out looking like a classier Agent 47 from Hitman. Virota looks like Omar Sharif, which promptly got him the nickname "Doctor Zhivago). Heycory no longer looks like a prepubescent boy and it's now entirely believable by looking at his respectable moustache and thinning head of hair that he won't take sh*t from anyone, referee including.
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As I was expecting, the PES United gentlemen turned things around in style, with a help of a few tweaks on our starting-11.
Como; Azara, Ranow, Sariw, Nzom Gole; Heycory, Virota, Otam, Ciumira, Agata, R. Acuna.
Azara takes the RB position and leaves a more defensive-minded player as LB, Nzom Gole. Virota becomes the CMF despite his unimpressive short passing, though his energy and football IQ make up for it. Otam becomes a very dynamic AMF and Acuna replaces Dogue as the second striker, as he's much more competent in front of the goal.
If before the makeover we were two points away from absolute bottom, we ended the first half of the season very close to the top.
Then, I broke the rules of this challenge for I felt compelled to bring in two legendary ML Defaults: Stein and Minanda. Though the latter played about fifteen minutes before ending his 6-month contract with PES United, Stein was important for us later on, particularly when we needed to hold on to a win by employing the vicious midfield duo of Heycory and Stein, both professional yellow and red card collectors.
After the January break we improved even more and got ourselves on a very promising position, as on the last day of the season, we're two points ahead of the 3rd place, meaning we only needed a win against poor Hammarby (last placed team) to get promoted - and Dinamo Zagreb, 3rd, had to win their match.
Interestingly, we actually concede a goal on the first 15 minutes of that match...we tie it, 1-1. Then we concede another, 1-2. This can't be happening. We tied once again and on the last 10 mins of the match, Otam throws the dagger and we win 3-2. But wait...a title is getting brought on to the pitch...? Valenciennes, who spent the whole season on the 1st place, loses their matchup (so does Zagreb) so...we're crowned champions of the D2!!!
Most prolific offense and...most prolific defense, for the adversary. We just enjoy goals.
Despite the drama we make it out of the D2 as soon as possible, which was not only expected of us given the quality of our roster, but also was fundamental for my objective of giving some (major) silverware to the Virotas and Heycorys who should soon retire.
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As a bonus, here's my Retro-PES Goal of the Week candidate, scored on the Season 2's pre-season vs. Bordeaux
Good job nobody walked into the room with the light off, banana skins everywhere!
and risk "going in". Sariw commits to a tackle, which for the sloth that he is makes him look as if he were underwater compared to the opponent, who seems to beat Sariw because of his change of direction and Sariw's poor timing. For a moment, it looks like a done deal as Sariw will never get back on that play; but the thing is, despite the fact that he's awfully slow and not at all agile, he's still has good Defense and Balance (around 80) and Response (high 70s). If you analyze it closely, you see that he understands right away that he was beaten, so the first thing Sariw does is to understand rapidly where the ball is. His good Defense and Response stats - defensive awareness - allow him to quickly get back on the play: as soon as he sees the ball again, he never takes his eyes off of it. Sariw then uses his left arm to block the opponent's run, runs like a maniac, before he commits to a vigorous, well-timed and ultimately successful sliding tackle.
