The Random Crap Thread

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

If you had no nose hairs Jay/Gay, then you'd really, really smell the shit.

Seriously though, I was always told that they were for "trapping" any bad stuff (bacteria, viruses, diseases) that was in the air, so that it was stuck in the nose/ear without being able to continue through into your body and harm you.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Wont picking my nose cure this? And why aren't we just born with hairy noses and ears?
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

The nearest Gay Bar :) lol
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Was that necessary? Nope...
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Depending on how many you've got, keep you warm in the winter.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Ergh, get a shaver out you filthy beggar.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Ok something isn't right here if i go on the beach i get sand up my arse and never up my nose or ears. What the fuck is going on?
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Haha, I lurve psychology. The following is uncensored - if you don't like naughty words and the like, don't click the spoiler button.

There's been a death in the family recently and it's hit the older generation of my family quite hard. Some have been all smiley and jokey through it though, just saying "that's life". My sister (who literally thinks she knows it all) said to them, "don't hold any emotion in, you'll regret it" and they were just like "let's talk about something else".

This morning I paid a visit to my auntie, who is one of the "keep it all in" people. Very nice, hasn't said a swear word in front of me her whole life (she will say the odd one to my mum now and then but nothing more than "load of crap" or "little bugger"). Your typical old lady, really.

She's walking around laughing and joking about everything, and every time you mention the death she says "honestly, it's okay!", "how's your sister doing?" or whatever. She makes herself a bowl of cereal and puts it on the table, and she says "just got to go to the loo, hold on".

So she's gone for like five minutes, I can't hear crying or screaming or shouting from inside the bathroom so I'm thinking to myself "my sister is so stupid, she's fine, there's nothing wrong with her - she just knows how to deal with death".

She comes back all smiley, looks at the table and a fly has landed on her cereal.

She went fucking berzerk. I mean absolutely mental. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THERE'S A FLY ON MY FUCKING CEREAL, YOU BASTARD!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! GET OFF MY CEREAL!! WHAT A PISSING WEEK THIS HAS BEEN!! YOU BASTARD TOMMY, YOU BLOODY BASTARD!! GET THE FUCK OFF YOU LITTLE BASTARD!! FUCK OFF!!" - before picking up the bowl and slamming it into the sink, with the cereal and milk still in it.
Needless to say, I pegged it before she could turn around and deck me.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

I've posted this in the video thread but I have to post it here as well, I just have to.

This is me from ten years ago. CLICK ME

And this is me now. No need for Stephen Hawking to get involved though (3:00). CLICK ME
 
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Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Bless you - I hated the guy's guts though to be honest. I hate to speak ill of the dead but he was a wife-beating drunk so... :eh:

He had cancer though, and even though I couldn't stand him, it was like some kind of movie to see him every week or so. He looked like a different, greyer (literally) person each time, as if they were using special effects to age him ten years every seven days. Horrible way to go, but it's not like it was sudden. He had time to shout a few obscenities at various family members before he departed.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

He drinks war-tear.

Haha, more of my Madeleine McCann coverage:
(after seeing the following picture on the BBC NEWS website)

_42416616_madeleineposter_ap_203b.jpg


She looks how I feel - "oh for God's sake, how many more times am I going to have to put on this shirt and hold up this picture, I don't even know the kid". :mryellow:
 
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Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

I'm not going to comment on this one for fear of being branded a sicko.

(Apart from this - it's from BBC NEWS, work-safe and all that, but if you're easily offended, don't click it, for God's sake)
(And apart from this, I've seen stories of midget-eating lions on here, which are equally tragic, so I'm not a sicko)

Bloody hell, hope that's enough to cover me. I might just delete the entire post actually, depending on the first reaction. :eh:
 
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Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Haha, I had no idea who the hell Brian Harvey was. For anybody reading this thread apart from me and Grim (that's all one of you then), who doesn't get the joke, read this. :lol:

EDIT: Oh God, seriously, I just read that article again and saw this quote...

People have speculated it might be a suicide attempt but I don't think you could plan this if you tried
Click to expand...
:D :D :D When I saw that I laughed so hard that I weed a little bit. Am I a warped human being?
 
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Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

He has an official website as well, here's one of the most recent articles (seriously)...

Brian Harvey, ex-member of teen pop sensation East 17 and star of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, is the voice behind the hottest new mobile character to hit the market – Mr Boo Bee Doo.

In the wake of the Crazy Frog, Brian felt it was time the professionals demonstrated how it should be done. Shortly after leaving the I’m A Celebrity jungle, Brian teamed up with ex-bandmate Terry Coldwell to create and voice Mr Boo Bee Doo, an Egyptian shopkeeper who is trying to entice tourists into his bazaar.

Brian says: “Mr Boo Bee Doo started out with Terry and I having a laugh in the studio one evening. It’s based on the idea of bartering for everything - even if was only to get two pence off!”
Click to expand...
What a guy.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Dear diary.

MONDAY.Tonight me and the wife are going to draw pictures on cars.

TUESDAY.My wife has left me for the milk man.

WEDNESDAY.I'm going to kill myself.
 
Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Hahahahahahaha, hahahahahaaaaaa.

I'm saying nothing, as I have been doing since a week ago. :D
 
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