The Random Crap Thread

I forgot how old I was this morning.

They mentioned on the Radio that Lewis Hamilton was the youngest F1 winner at 23 years old, then I thought, oh I didn't realise he is older than me, hang on, is he older than me? How old am I? And I thought I was 22. Then remembered I am 21 and will be 22 in December! :LOL:
 
Zen...To start the week!


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact,
just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a
couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was
probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from
bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then
things just get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
 
Mondays learn a fact...

Balls (as fired from Cannon)

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on
old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the
problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square
based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine,
which rested on sixteen.
Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right
next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the
bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for
reasons unknown, a Monkey.
But if this plate were made of iron, the iron
balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to
make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster
than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too
far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon
balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus,it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass
monkey. And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression,
didn't you?...
 
Can anybody find the full-size picture of this? Would make a brilliant Caption Competition picture, it's featured on the BBC website in a Lewis Hamilton story but it's only this size.

_45172555_toddler_car_126.jpg
 
Settle something for me; every time I have a lollypop the roof of my mouth bleeds, the stick gets loads of blood-spots on it. And if I have a cup of tea/coffee that's too hot, the roof of my mouth stings like mad for ages afterwards (whether I've cut it with a lollypop that month or otherwise). Normal?
 
No, see a doctor.

Actually, the second one just sounds like you've burnt your mouth :LOL: I thought someone as intelligent as yourself would be able to work that out?
 
Chris Bauer said:
Settle something for me; every time I have a lollypop the roof of my mouth bleeds, the stick gets loads of blood-spots on it. And if I have a cup of tea/coffee that's too hot, the roof of my mouth stings like mad for ages afterwards (whether I've cut it with a lollypop that month or otherwise). Normal?
Click to expand...
Hmmm you could just have overly thin skin there, the way some people get a lot of nose bleeds... Is it just lollies or all sweet stuff?
 
Nick Cave said:
I get a similar thing with cheerios not the burning but the peeling skin, I have days where I have nothing but cereal and if I have two or more bowls of Cheerios in a day the top of my pallet gets sore...
Click to expand...

Jellytots are the worst for that

Not that I still eat them of course
 
There's a girl my misses went to school with and in every single one of her facebook pics she's posing the EXACT same way. These pics go back about 6 years and in every one she's turned to the right showing off the left side of her face - she has the exact same smile and pose.

It's really weird
 
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