funny jokes

I have not read all the jokes .. I read just a few jokes and they are really nice ... Now, I want to be the part of this thread by sharing a good joke for you all .. So, here is that one ..

Joke :

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
 
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a

test. "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll

send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may

start".


The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that

means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only

$10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a

10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In

less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the

operation three times, and returned home with $60.





The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go

everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled

everyday.





Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of

delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food

retailers in the US . He started to plan his family's future, and decided

to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a

protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked

him his email.





The man replied, "I don't have an email ". The broker answered

curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an

empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at

Microsoft!"





Moral of the story

M1- Internet /email is not the solution to your life.

M2- If you don't have internet / email , and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

M3 If you received this message by email, you are probably already an

office boy/girl, and not any close to being a Billionaire...

Have a great day !!!





P.S - I' m closing my email & going to sell tomatoes!!!
​
 
What a shit story, this is meant to be the 'Funny Jokes' thread :ROLL:

Who is this man? I bet he did have E-mail, liar!
 
Nick Cave said:
Hahaha.. I expected one of those "I am Prince Muwanda and I have £3billion dollars and just need a British bank account to transfer to for £5 million pounds", things at the end of it
Click to expand...
george-phone-jacker-300x225.gif
 
What's the difference between Pamela Anderson and Pepe Reina?


Pamela Anderson only has 2 tits in front of her.
 
I went to one of those walk-in zoos the other day and afterwards found some spunk on my shoulder.

I don't know what came over me.
 
This one's a little cold...

Activision have released the packshot for the Iraqi version of Modern Warfare 2

COd.jpg
 
Hello friends,

Here is one joke from me hope you all will like it.

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends
"My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father.'"

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he
walks
into a room, people call him
'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic crone says "My son is a
cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say
'Your Eminence.'"

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee
in silence, the first three women give her this
subtle "Well...?" Finally she replies, "My son
is a gorgeous, 6' 2, hard-bodied stripper, when
he walks into a room women say,
'Oh my God'."
 
Adebayor appears to have learned his lesson. He clearly decided against running over and celebrating in front of those gunners.
 
These will be up Joysticks alley(verbally speakng):))



Just taking my Xmas lights down for this year and realised l wasn't sure whether or not they had offended my Muslim neighbours.
So... just to be on the safe side, l've painted: "Allah is a Cunt" on my garage door.


Did u know this message cost 12p? This could have fed a muslim boy in Afghanistan for a whole day. Send this to 7 of your mates & starve the cunt for a week :)


When is the only time a man does multi-tasking?
When he's watching porn, wanking and keeping an eye on the door



Whats long hard and makes a woman moan like fuck ?
An ironing board.


A Son asks his Dad the difference between theoretically & realistically. Dad says thats hard, but I have an idea. Ask Mum if she would sleep with Wayne Rooney for £1million. Mum says yes. Dad says now ask your sister if she would. Sister says yes. Dad says go ask your brother. He says yes. Well there you go son, thats your answer, theoretically we're sitting on £3million quid, but realistically we're living with 2 slags and a fucking poof!


Freezing temperatures in Liverpool this morning. Reports say it was so cold a scouser was seen with his hands in his own fucking pockets......

:COAT:
 
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I used to love break time at the school. Sneaking a quick cigarette, fingering girls behind the bike sheds. Being a caretaker was brilliant.....
 
Hi, I'm Richter Scale and Haiti 7.0 was my idea.



Channel 4 is launching a new tv programme in Haiti.

It's called "Meal or No Meal".
 
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Tim! rubbish! I was going to make a joke about Haiti but I thought I would let the dust settle first.
 
I can't believe we're being asked to donate money to help Haiti after the quake, I mean, where were they when we needed grit and salt the other week?

What do they need money for anyway? It's not like there's any shops to spend it in.
 
John Terry has lost the captain's armband for England.

But it's OK though. Wayne Bridge found it under his bed...
 
Ashley Cole was caught speeding at 104 mph in a 50 zone. When asked to explain himself by police he informed them that he had received a call that John Terry's car was parked outside his house.
 
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