A tale from work. This happened about an hour ago.
Took an important phone call at work. During the call, I had my elbow on my desk (holding the phone). About twenty minutes in, I tried to move my elbow off the desk. I couldn't. I was glued, literally glued, to the desk. I was genuinely stuck.
Turned out I'd been leaning on my gel wrist pad, and the skin had split. If you've ever wondered what's inside of them, let me tell you. Glue. Seriously - silicone adhesive. Which had slowly squeezed out, and coated my elbow, and the desk.
I can't tell the guy on the phone what's going on (I mean, fucking obviously), and everyone around me is in conversation. So I'm grabbing things - tissues, pens, a novelty miniature sombrero - to try and pry myself free, and nothing is working.
I feel the need to state at this point that, I
promise you:
I am 100%
not making any of this up.
After a few minutes, I managed to free myself, but now I'm sticking to everything around me - I'm sticking myself to my shirt, my trousers, ALL of the tissue paper I tried to use before.
I have absolutely no idea what he, or I, said to each other for the remainder of the conversation. Just pure, blind panic.
After I'd hung up, I rushed to the work toilets, and tried washing the glue off. At which point, someone walked in, and I had to explain why I'm in the toilets, using the mirror, to WASH MY ELBOWS.
This was before I realised that it's not exactly convenient to get your elbow inside the bloody hand-dryer.
And guess what... Washing them has DONE NOTHING. Also, IT BURNS.
What is life.