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Beating Nice Guy Syndrome?

NickSCFC

NickSCFC

Banned
18 July 2003
Stoke-on-Trent, UK
Team
Stoke City/Liverpool
Nice Guy Syndrome

Thus why I've been made to believe I'm an ugly bastard by all them birds who said "Can we just be friends" after all I was doing was what Mum (and Hollywood) bought me up to do by "being nice to girls".

Thing is, it's got me, very very badly and has lead to alot of depression and STAYING IN.

So after 5 years I think I've hit the nail on the head, HOW ON EARTH DO I GET OUT OF IT BEFORE MY PENIS ROTS OFF!
 
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By learning there's more to life than women and what they think of you. You need to realise that your problem's not even about women....it's about the way you're thinking of yourself. Work on your mind-set and your "other problems" will solve themself. This is dealing with the root cause of the difficulty rather than trying to cure the symptoms.

And by the way, congratulations for making an effort to improve yourself and resolve the issue.
 
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You are right there, I mean, why have I been a nice person all my life? To avoid conflict maybe? Either way as with most people niceness comes from problems like insecurety and maybe a desperation to be liked, niceness is certainly not a good thing. On the other hand I have my great sense of humour, which is good, not nice.

Have to say gotten a few more looks off the ladies since I stopped walking around with such a "nice" smile.

Here's to not being a tit...

(whewre's the pint raising smiley? :x )
 
There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy....you just dont wanna be a "nice guy". If you try and act too differently from how you really feel it'll be obvious and will turn people (including women) off. Just be who you are but keep tabs on your "niceness" and be honest with yourself as to why you are being nice. If it is insecurity or seeking approval from a woman, then just notice it and tell yourself to stop it. Be clear on what your purpose is in any situation and dont get too caught up with what other people may be thinking...if you don't care, it's not important. Be patient with yourself, it's all part of growing and maturing and it sure wont happen over night.
 
I wouldnt let that article bother you too much, but it has many true aspects to it. I'd consider myself with this 'syndrome', but ive actually had girls like me for being the nice guy.... not all girls will hate or ignore the niceguy, there will always be those who like the nice guys. So dont worry too much about it.
 
yeah man, dont sweat it bro, you need some more self confidence, you ever try lifting weights or getting in some serious shape, it will do wonders for your self confidence, dont stop being nice man, you need self confidence, if your nice and you have self confidence, most girls will like that. I have been told many times, lets be friends, but i finally have met a girl who likes the nice guy in me.... I dont have to play games and act all cool all the time, just be patient and make sure you do go ut and talk to the ladies, and fuck the ones who dont like you for who you are...
 
Actually been going the gym for the past 8 months, my last date certainly went better than the one before (which could not have gone worse), actually really liked me, charmed the pants off her at the interview stage, then she moved to the other end of the country and my bad ways started up again :(
 
Nick

I know exactly where you are coming from. If I re-wind 8 years or so I was there too. Just be true to yourself and others and things will work out. Try to be patient too. I was feeling exactly like you back then, but I decided to be positive and enjoy life. If a girl didn't like me for who I was then thats her loss. The following year I met a fantastic girl at work and we got married this summer.

Things will work out for you, you just gotta try to chill and enjoy each day like its your last.

Good luck
 
Yeah the 'nice guy' label can be a bitch. I did sometimes get that when I was an insecure teenager, you know when you go out of your way to make everyone like you? I learned to accept that sometimes it's good to be a little cocky. Above anything else women love confidence, which is why you quite often see beautiful girls with absolute knuckle draggers.

Like someone said before, it's often more to do with your own self confidence rather than just purely your 'ability' with women. It can be a vicious cycle though, as the less success you have with women the more horny you get, which makes you less attractive to women! No one likes a dog on heat.

There's nothing wrong with being opinionated, so long as you have the argument and intelligence to back up what you're saying. It's better than just agreeing with everyone all the time in an effort to impress. Think about it, have you ever met a bird who just agrees with everything you say and smiles sweetly the whole time? Doesn't it just make you sick? :p In my experience, women like it if you've got something interesting to stay and are prepared to stand by it when challenged.

The bottom line is mate you've got it the right way round. It's much better to be the nice guy learning to let his hair down a little than be the obnoxious arsehole who has to try and rein in his arrogance.
 
Nicks, stop searching for a girlfriend...just enjoy your life while your young...when you stop looking for a girl ....you will find one...there are millions of young man who've had the same problem (i wa one of them) and just when you tell yourself..."i give up" i''l start enjoying my life, doing interesting things...the right one will come...just stop searching...and don't worry about image...you're ok like you are and there are dozens of girls who will like you that way...don't panic...enjoy.
 
I coulda asked this question a decade ago, but now i'm 32 and much wiser. Sit down and listen up. What most have said on here is true - DONT STOP BEING A NICE GUY:

(1) Women hang out with the Nice Guy in hordes cuz you're safe from harming them. . . even if you hook up, you'll still be cool with them. When other chicas see you're the center of attnetion for a group of women, they in turn will want to know you. Women are like that. They want what other women want. I swear, i knew every girl in college, even the hot ones, though i was hardly a pimp. They used to kiss me hello and goodbye and all the athletes and other dudes would scratch their heads. Pretty soon everyone assumed i was this badass cuz i knew the hotties. lol. truth is, i was shyer than fuck.

(2) Later in life, at 25, i decided to be more aggressive. Without being rude or obnoxious. Simple rule - if i fancied a chica, i would pursue her and let her know with class, dignity and good humor. If they didnt feel it, we'd still be cool. If they felt it, it was ON, brotha!

You know, so much of being a nice guy really sucks because you find out you're just being nice cuz you're afraid to piss people off or dont want to be hated. You need to END THAT SHIT. You should be nice WHEN ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, but, you also have to TAKE A STAND and call people out when they break morales, principles, or ethics. Naw what i mean. Let people know that you're nice, but you're not gonna tolerate ignorant ass people just to keep the peace.

That lets people know that you have something everyboy is atttracted to - Integrity. they may not know what the word means, but when chicks see it, they cant resist it. Its fuckin righteous and primal to see a decent man of priniple who can't be swayed. It's, essentially, being a badass by not being a dickhead. It aint easy to live like that, and women recognize how strong and confident you must be to do shit like that. For real.
 
I'll let you in on a couple of life's biggest secrets with women, too:

(1) 99% of the "unattainable" women you come across are really attainable. Most hot women you see dont realize it. They are often lonely and selfconsious because only drunk men approach them and most other women hate them. Just smile at one who you see regularly, speak for a minute and walk away. Build a casual friendship and soon you'll see. It's amazing. I have friends who are supermodel smoking hot and none of them really understand their powers. It's a treasure if you know this piece of information. This is why so many hot women go out with dicks... they had the balls to make a move.

I have been hanging out with a girl in my night program lately who looks like Cindy Crawford's twin sister. . with a much better body. Plus she is ChrisRock-funny and brilliant. She really has no flaws. . . and she has NO CLUE how attractive she is or how special. It's sad really. Her past boyfriedns were geeks and dorks and assholes. I'm a gem compared to them. And so are you. So are most guys.

(2) Any decent guy woth moderate looks, a nice personality, an independent flair, and in decent shape can pull about 90% of the women out there. Women are not men. They can learn to be attracted to a man. If you're decent, a little cocky/confident, and engaging, you're more than 3/4 home with a woman.

(3)Love your fuckin self. be someone you'd be proud to be around. If you dont like yourself, nobody else is. I fuckin love my heart, my soul and my mind. Cuz its mine and its self-made. All my friends know that and respect that about me. And women do, too. They smell confidence a mile away and will run from a guy who doesnt like himself or know who he is or what he wants. Learn to love yourself and what you are, and the rest is like magic, falling into place.

alright bro. good luck.
 
Stan said:
Nicks, stop searching for a girlfriend...just enjoy your life while your young...when you stop looking for a girl ....you will find one...there are millions of young man who've had the same problem (i wa one of them) and just when you tell yourself..."i give up" i''l start enjoying my life, doing interesting things...the right one will come...just stop searching...and don't worry about image...you're ok like you are and there are dozens of girls who will like you that way...don't panic...enjoy.
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Do I want a girlfriend, after my previous topic on women I've realised my wanting of a relationship was down to insecurety issues.
 
My advice is to stop worrying about it, although I know through personal experience (I think a lot of people do) that the more you "do without", the more you want it (the gf). Don't worry about being nice etc, just be yourself. After all, if you do meet someone really nice, she won't be interested in you if you put on an act - she will want to know why you are playing games. Relax and enjoy life - love will take its course in due time.
 
ghazi said:
(1) 99% of the "unattainable" women you come across are really attainable. Most hot women you see dont realize it. They are often lonely and selfconsious because only drunk men approach them and most other women hate them. Just smile at one who you see regularly, speak for a minute and walk away. Build a casual friendship and soon you'll see. It's amazing. I have friends who are supermodel smoking hot and none of them really understand their powers. It's a treasure if you know this piece of information. This is why so many hot women go out with dicks... they had the balls to make a move.
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That's so true. It's a real leap of faith to go for a girl who is just stupid fit but def worth it.

Wow, there's some really good advice from all the posts on this thread. Hmm...

*presses Ctrl P and calls publisher re: book deal*
 
great posts from Ghazi, reading that has certainly made me think I should raise my standards a bit and start trying to get with some Premiership classy booty instead of getting busy with the ones who would be on the PES United bench :-)

I agree with so much and can relate to so much of this thread. When I was 18/19 I was far too nice bbut now 7 years on I am still a nice guy but I'm not a complete unac like I was back then. For me the big turning point was getting my eyes lasered a few years ago. After that I reinvented my image, starte dgoing gym and finally felt comfortable in my own skin. After this I met a nice girl at work and that didn't work out as I was overly nice back then, I learnt from that experience and I don't wear my heart on my sleeve as much now and it pays off, I'm not seeing anyone serious at the moment but I've learnt after spending so much time in my late teens cracing a girlfriend that sometimes it's just a lot better to play the field!

The morale of the stoy is don't stop being a nice guy, but start being a nice guy with CONFIDENCE.
 
I agree with Kenny G as far as his last line goes, definitely.

As for Premiership class booty, all is good if it's a reliable type (e.g the "Jamie Carragher" type) but I'm afraid it all falls apart if she flatters to deceive - hmmm, lets call this the "Harry Kewell" type. :lmao: Go for what you feel comfortable with.
 
Whilst there is some excellent advice here, occasionaly it is good to be a bit of a bastard to women.

Little things like canceling a date or turning up half an hour late without phoning ahead, trust me they love you even more for it.
 
JimJoeC said:
Whilst there is some excellent advice here, occasionaly it is good to be a bit of a bastard to women.

Little things like canceling a date or turning up half an hour late without phoning ahead, trust me they love you even more for it.
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those are slut whores, who you should fuck in the ass and then spit on there backs..... those are called games, not playing games is so much better, being honest with someone and knowing that person very well is fantastic. knowing by girl freind would never show up late without calling me, is a great feeling, it reasures the fact that she would never cheat on me, or do some other fucked up shit. Girls that like that type of thing, will cheat on you, take all your money, and just plain suck..... IMHO
 
you just gotta be confidant. when i was younger in my early teans i was really shy and wasnt noticed much. But now, ever since Ive been doing weights and that sort of stuff, i've become much more confident. I just thought, fuck it i'll be more confident and im enjoyed my life a hell of a lot more. I find it so easy to talk to women now. They dig the whole cocky, slightly arrogant thing, but being a nice guy is important. You can be the nice guy buy u just gotta be confident. I know everyone says girls love confidence but ive learned thats its so true.
 
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