Football Mirrors life and you can't do nothing about it

vanzandt

vanzandt

The answer must be Jam
26 July 2007
Everton
I have had to get up this morning at 5am, that is the way it goes- no choice about it.

We watch our own club play every time we can, be that on the TV or at the match; not a choice for most of us but something we feel compelled to do.

When we watch our club on TV or at the match play Portsmouth away;

There is a pointles reatarded irritating mother OOOOOOOOHHHHH ringin a fringin bell!!!

Like none fringin stop for 90 minutes!!!

Life is life, sometimes it fooks you and sometimes it does you a favour.

Play away to Portsmouth is one of the former, your sanity and ears get fooked when you watch your team.

That said....

Can you imagine being a Portsmouth fan having to hear that every single home game loon wreck your mind with the none stop bell ringin!!!!!

I have tinitus...that means when a room is silent I hear ringing in my ears. I need a background noise to sleep to lesson that ringing sound- something like a fan or a tv in the background.

For someone that hears constant ringing in their ears...I watch my beloved Everton away to Portsmouth and I contemplate going down there and ripping that total tw@s head off.

I can't do that because it isn't reasonable and prison would await me, again I know that I have to hear that pizzin ringin in my head even when I am awake in the day; when I don't usually have to put up with or suffer from tinitus......life mirroring football or football mirroing life...

Can you imagine if you sufferd from epilepse....can you imagine a fan at say Derby who would suddenly appear each game with a fookin strobe light to mess you up.

At night, every night I try and do everything to stop the ringin in my ears.

The one time I think I can avoid it, the day! and I hear that Portsmouth loon ringin in my fookin ears.

If anyone would go and remove his bell, or indeed garote hime with cheese wire- I'd sure appreciate it.


Some people might say oh he is part of the culture of the club or.....SHUT THE FOOK UP RIGHT NOW!!!!


He is an UNMITIGATED TW@T

And he NEEDS to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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uniqueness.

It would be unique if I stood outside your house howling at the fookin moon, but that wouldn't mean there was any merit in it or that I was anything other than an irritating moron.

This guy is an irritating moron- nothing more nothing less.

I think it would be perfectly fair if someone rammed that bell up his arse.
 
Heheh

Love that uniqueness analogy. I sympathise very much. This one playoff game in the NFL, my team were playing away and right next to the commentator booth there was some lady who shrieked every time something happened. So I'll always remember that game as the 'shrieker game'. She was on our side, she just expressed her joy with a shrill, piercing yell. It was prolonged, she'd take a breath, then get right back into it. Woman probably couldn't talk for the next.. hell, I don't know if that kinda thing doesn't break your voice box. But if you were actually sat anywhere near her, I wouldn't blame you if you strangled her.. just until she passes out.
 
For ages I thought that was someone in my back garden making that noise.
I agree, very annoying.
 
that's not just annoying...its terrible, i live in portugal and i can only see premiership matches on a tv or my pc and i can't watch a whole united match against pompeys thanks to that noise...
 
Moaning about someone ringing a bell?

the woman at Arsenal used to piss me off when see always screamed but nothing would put me off watching football

what is wrong with you people
 
Coopz said:
Moaning about someone ringing a bell?

what is wrong with you people
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Question.

Are you out of your skull?

Moaning about somoeone ringing a bell none stop for 90 minutes....ER fookin like YEA!!

What is wrong with us....yea we are clear fookin stupid us mate:roll:

I tell you what mate give me your address and I will stand outside your house ringin a bell for ninety miutes at a time....I mean there would have to be something wrong with you to have a problem with that right?

In fact maybe it is bells that do it for me, maybe for you it is nails down a black board or something else.

I have tinitus so I hear ringin in my fookin ears ALL night long and I hear ringin in my fookin ears like 50% of the time. When I watch a football match and I get immersed in the game and manage to get away from the constant ringin in my ears;

Do you think at that point I want to hear a fooker ringin a bell?

Have a great big leap in the dark guess...

You tell me what sound does your head in and I'll come over to your house and make that sound all night long every night for a week and then when you watch the match I'll remind you of it by doing it all fookin game....then you will be where I am.

Now can you see the fookin, bleedin, shatin point!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S

Even if I didn't have tinitus that tw@t has no business ringin a fookin bell for 90 minutes at a football match, it isn't a bell ringing convention, it isn't songs of praise, it categorically isn't anything that anyone wants to hear for even one second.

If anyone sees that bloke and he has that bell with him, they need to ram it through his ring piece and that my friend is nothing more than a reasonable response..

Maybe I'll go and lie down in a dark room....oh hang on if I do that I'll hear fookin ringin again.......chill pill and watch the Manchester derby....it comes thankfully without bells!!!

Weid that isn't I mean to have a football match without bells- amazing but the concept actually works!!!

Chhhhhhhiiiillllllllllllllllll I need to chill.
 
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I suppose not going to Portsmouth isnt an option for you?
 
vanzandt said:
Question.

Are you out of your skull?

Moaning about somoeone ringing a bell none stop for 90 minutes....ER fookin like YEA!!

What is wrong with us....yea we are clear fookin stupid us mate:roll:

I tell you what mate give me your address and I will stand outside your house ringin a bell for ninety miutes at a time....I mean there would have to be something wrong with you to have a problem with that right?

In fact maybe it is bells that do it for me, maybe for you it is nails down a black board or something else.

I have tinitus so I hear ringin in my fookin ears ALL night long and I hear ringin in my fookin ears like 50% of the time. When I watch a football match and I get immersed in the game and manage to get away from the constant ringin in my ears;

Do you think at that point I want to hear a fooker ringin a bell?

Have a great big leap in the dark guess...

You tell me what sound does your head in and I'll come over to your house and make that sound all night long every night for a week and then when you watch the match I'll remind you of it by doing it all fookin game....then you will be where I am.

Now can you see the fookin, bleedin, shatin point!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S

Even if I didn't have tinitus that tw@t has no business ringin a fookin bell for 90 minutes at a football match, it isn't a bell ringing convention, it isn't songs of praise, it categorically isn't anything that anyone wants to hear for even one second.

If anyone sees that bloke and he has that bell with him, they need to ram it through his ring piece and that my friend is nothing more than a reasonable response..

Maybe I'll go and lie down in a dark room....oh hang on if I do that I'll hear fookin ringin again.......chill pill and watch the Manchester derby....it comes thankfully without bells!!!

Weid that isn't I mean to have a football match without bells- amazing but the concept actually works!!!

Chhhhhhhiiiillllllllllllllllll I need to chill.
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For a start im not out of my skull just for not moaning about a guy ringing a bell for 90 minutes and you are the only person i have ever heard mention the guy and how it puts you off matches

the only reason you mention the guy is down to ur tinitus and people who dont have it dont mind, so the last part of your rant is pure bullshit

he pays to get in and do what the fuck he wants, u dont support pompey so get over it
 
Coopz said:
For a start im not out of my skull just for not moaning about a guy ringing a bell for 90 minutes and you are the only person i have ever heard mention the guy and how it puts you off matches

the only reason you mention the guy is down to ur tinitus and people who dont have it dont mind, so the last part of your rant is pure bullshit

he pays to get in and do what the fuck he wants, u dont support pompey so get over it
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Oh shut up you little pleb.

The fact is I am allowed to have a good rant about lesser things in football...it is part of the fun and the fact is lots of people have expressed this opinion....try taking one look in the thread.

You are the only person who hasn't agreed and been iritated by the prat.

Now either have a bit of humour or bog off.

Or you could be super precious and ban me...that would make you look big.
 
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I have read the thread and i can count about 3 people who agree with you if thats lots i would love to see what you think a few is. None of your posts in this thread are anything to do with humour or fun, its just you moaning

and why would i ban you? and why do i need to look big?

i think you need to step take time out off the internet, or do you want me to throw some cyber-insults back at you?
 
To be honest, there is somegames I've seen (actually think the last one was pompey :lol:), and someone has been doing something like playing on drums, or ringing a bell or something for the WHOLE game.

It pisses me off bigtime, but you just have to deal with it :(
 
Coopz said:
I have read the thread and i can count about 3 people who agree with you if thats lots i would love to see what you think a few is.
?
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When the total number of all those posting is four and three out of four agree then yes that is a lot. In fact my definition of a lot when I am having a laugh is anything that you disagree with ok.

Coopz said:
None of your posts in this thread are anything to do with humour or fun, its just you moaning
?
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Not true, you have had a humour failure.

A deliberate rant that hits a nerve because it has truth about it that is at the same time deliberately over the top is a form of fun, very much so.

Maybe you have a monopoly on humour though by supporting Derby County.

Coopz said:
i think you need to step take time out off the internet, or do you want me to throw some cyber-insults back at you?
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The fact is you couldn’t give a toss about this thread or what I was saying, so why did you bother to come in and post? You wanted to come in here be a misery guts and poo on my pie, mess with my mojo and spoil my enjoyable rant.

You are not compelled to post in this thread right so why not just trot along?

And stop acting so overly pragmatic and reasoned in something that is a bit of bloody fun.

P.S

I do not need to take a step back you loon, I am just having a laugh and posting about something that got on my nerves….you on the other hand are getting involved arguing about something you don’t even give a monkey’s about….guessing you do that quite a bit with your time.

Leave me to have my fun- cause that is what it is.

I’d love to ram that guys bell us your ass Haha...Ohh maybe that is all serious as opposed to a pizz about as well Mmmmm
 
CW said:
I see my comment was overlooked....
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If Everton play Portsmouth away and you go the game then you have no choice. If you stay away from Portsmouth and watch it on the TV it is still there.

The only way of not hearing that shat piece and his bell for the full 90 minutes is by physically removing it from his being or not watching your team.....I couldn't do that latter.

I should stop moaning at this stage though, I mean its no big deal. I mean who is in the slightest bit annoyed by someone who rings a fookin bell in their face for 90 minutes....i'm so unreaonable :freak:

It's like a neibour punching you in the face every day at 5pm, someone pulling your pants back and shating in them while you get the shopping etc you should just get used to it.

Please anyone who disagrees with me;

just give me your address and I will make sure to pass by with the biggest shitin noisey bell I can find and stand outside your house....you know so you can enjoy your night in.

Emmerdale in the background Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing

Eastender In the back ground Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing

Oh look Mock The Week is on dear...background RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing

Newsnight how interesting dear RING SHATIN RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing

Lets go to bed dear RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNG RING SHATIN RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing Ring a dingle bast a dingle

5 in the morning RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNG RING SHATIN RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing Ring a dingle bast a dingle RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing RIINNNNNNNG Ring Ring FOOKIN Ring Ring Ring RRRRRRing Riiing

Coops to dear wife.....how absurd it was to think that something as marginally cumbersome and innocent as bell could possibly be annoying in any way.

Is the picture clear?

I am of course just moaning and not in any way involving in humour....why there isn't even a knock knock at the start how could it possibly be humour.
 
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reading them posts got me to sleep least night

cheers matey

your points are all bollocks anyway so im not wasting my time responding to each one
 
Coopz said:
reading them posts got me to sleep least night

cheers matey

your points are all bollocks anyway so im not wasting my time responding to each one
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Thank you for passing your royal judgement. Obviously something that supposedly doesn't annoy you cannot possibly annoy others.

It has passed into fact now that this cannot be annoying to anyone else.

It has annoyed me, but now you have told me that my point is bollox I stand corrected and of course you are correct.

If I was a millionaire I would buy a Derby County season ticket and buy the biggest ring a ding ding bell you have seen in your life and pay for someone to attend every single fookin game you ever get to watch and ring the shat out of it.

Just to prove that you are perfectly correct.

Likewise I would obtain your address and hire someone to stand outside your house with a bell every night of the year so you could get such hearty sleep each night and revel in the fact that ringin a great big fookin bell isn't in the least annoying.

I would love to be able to give you the satisfaction of proving that what you say is true in the above manner.

If I ever become a millionaire, listen out for a bell at Derby County as it will be the first thing I sort out for you.

Thank you for being so dour throughout this thread you have been a joy to behold (your personality on the page comes across as that of a farmer that has been drizzled by a fine driving rain for for so many years that he has been drenched and turned dour to the bone).

I warmly hope that Derby County are relegated in a sea of agonisingly disappointing performances. If that happens try to think of it as god ringing his own bell of judgement upon you for nothing other than what you have said to me in this thread.
 
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haha do you not get it?

i couldnt care less if i hear a bell for 90 minutes

or do you want me to explain it to you by bell ringing?
 
Coopz said:
haha do you not get it?

i couldnt care less if i hear a bell for 90 minutes

or do you want me to explain it to you by bell ringing?
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WOWZA now I get it.

Sorry yea wow, you were just on another level from me and I was previously unable to comprehend the masterful subtlety of your position.

Stunning post;

You were brilliantly funny and literally aching with humour a bit like a Derby County performance.

I've made my point, much like Spurs did :lmao:
 
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do you really think you having a go at Derby gets to me?

you will have to try a bit harder than that as i can see ur just after a reaction by your last 2 posts
 
while the spurs derby match was shocking, it is not as shockingly boring as this thread. Mute the tv if you dont want to hear the cowbell and dont go to portsmouth!
 
I found the Arsenal Screaming Woman at Highbury more entertaining than Portsmouths Bell End Ringers :)
 
For what it's worth, I think the bloke who rings the cow bell is a complete and utter tool and thoroughly annoying.
It won't stop me going Pompey and like vanzandt, I have a perfect right to have a rant about wanting him snipered :lol:

Despite being in agreement with what should have been a simple rant, I think vanzandt was possibly a little over zealous with it and also so where the reactions to his post and then his reactions back.

He thinks he is a prick, some of you don't... let it be!! :lol:

(Anyway, I think Coops is in a worried mood because we are taking Giles Barnes off of them sometime very soon ;) )
 
My rant (be clear that is what it was) on the bell ringing Tw@ Portsmouth- was a rant for the sake of ranting. The enjoyment that comes of venting your frustration at those little things in life that make you really mad!!

For me bells at a football game, for others nails down blackboards or tooth paste squeezed in the middle or any annoying habit you can think of...maybe people not indicating on round'bouts etc etc etc.

When on such a rant, you don't mildly give way to other drivers, if they get in your way they get an earful for trying to poo on your roast dinner, that is the law of trying to verbally joust with the rantor.

If anyone does not understand the concept try watching grumpy old men or...sodding off

Personally I couldn't give a rats arse about Derby County or getting a rise out of anyone, the point is when on a rant of this nature you want to have your say end of story and not be deflected by boring pragmatists trying to convince you of their overtly reasonable logic.

Its kind of like telling someone to calm down.

Has anyone actually ever calmed down or felt calmer from being told to calm down, I mean ever in the history of man kind?

Or have they actually wanted secretly instead to smash that persons fookin skull in with heavy instrument?

I contend it is the latter.

Likewise if anyone has ever had a really bad day and wants to vent, do you think it has ever been a good idea to tell that individual that actually their gravy in life is good?

Again- Noooooo!

If someone wants to rant about the most minor of irritations that fook ‘em off and someone can see that indeed such a thing could be for some people quite irritating or irksome;

Then you either post and agree with them or you shut the fook up and don't post at all.

It really is that simple, at least it is unless you are trying to poo on that persons roast dinner and tweak their nipples by being a little smart arse runt who really wants a kicking.

In fact the only reason to be disagreeing with such a rant is to try and pizz the rantor off as much as you can be being a smart arse “only me” Harry Endfield like character.

Getting in the way of the rantor and trying to stop him enjoying his good old moan and bitchin about want really winds him up in life is akin to going up to someone who has just failed their driving tests and shaking car keys in their face while tweakin the shat out of their nipples…

The noisey bell end at Portsmouth deserved the rant, in my opinion his death would serve the greater good and that is all there is to it.

If you want to argue against that then you can, but you need to understand that this is NOT a debate and never has been, it has in fact always been a righteous proclamation.

Don’t fook with people’s righteous proclamations, don’t fook with the rantor, don’t poo on a mans roast dinner or tweak his nipples or act like a smug “only me” Harry Enfield type and don’t try and bring your minor points of logic and pragmatism to the show….

If you disagree with anything I have to say just remember that you have absolutely no right whatsoever to ever express annoyance at any minor grievance again for the rest of your life- no matter what the context.

P.S

This is where someone posts…Ohhh god this thread is sooo boring. Yea you know what, the world is full of things that you can find that are boring;

Open University programs at 4pm, Glitterball, Countdown, American Gladiators, Bog Brother etc etc…Create your own list thoussssands of boring things and then go and pursue them ALL and complaim about ALL of them before you come back here and complain about this thread; cause you don’t fookin have to be here, or read this...bit this arse gravy or comment about it.

steevio_uk said:
I think vanzandt was possibly a little over zealous with it)
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Enormously, utterly, totally and highly unreasonably zealous.

I am not remotely correct in any regard at all, and yet I am 100% bombproof correct and beyond reproach.

No one better ever talk to me about traffic wardens...OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh this would seem but a grain of sand in the Sahara in comparison to how I would vent about those shysters.
 
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Jesus christ ill just agree with you becuase im not reading the essay you have just written

Steevio Barnsey is going nowhere :)
 
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